


The Cost of a Family

by PocketFullOfProse



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Blood, F/M, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Stillbirth, pregnancy loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PocketFullOfProse/pseuds/PocketFullOfProse
Summary: At the end of the Fifth Blight, it seemed that all that was left for Alistair and his beloved was happily ever after. While happily ever after did finally come for them, it came at a price that he never expected to pay.





	The Cost of a Family

The first child Alistair lost wasn’t anything more than a glimmer in his wife’s eyes.

When Fiona first told him she was pregnant, the day was full of far too many feelings to count. There was fear, dread, anxiety-- What sort of life would a child have when both of their parents would eventually disappear into the Deep Roads forever? Alistair knew something like this only had the slightest chance of happening, but somehow it did.

It didn’t take long for all those feelings to change, however. Fear became excitement. Anxiety grew into anticipation. Despite what would happen, they would be a family, something Fiona admitted to wanting for longer than she could remember. Honestly, Alistair had wanted the same thing too.

The two would grin anytime they saw a baby or small child with their parents. That would be them soon enough. Just as the sentiment had burrowed its way into their hearts to stay, fate played them a cruel trick. Fiona lost the child just days after she had told him.

Alistair could remember it all, crystal clear. Big brown eyes, swollen, red, pleading. All the prayers muttered into his tear-stained shirt seemed to fall on deaf ears as she bled. Within a matter of moments, the dreams they shared shattered, and all he could do was hold her in his arms, and scrub up the mess when all was said and done.

“It was for the best,” they told themselves. He and Fiona would have been lucky to see their child reach adulthood before they fell victim to the calling. But Maker, both of them knew how badly they wanted that child.  


 

The second child Alistair lost had allowed him to hope again. It had been two years after they lost their first baby. The news initially brought as much fear as the first time, but it this time it didn’t take him a whole day to change that fear into cautious optimism. Once again, they were going to have a family.

A month passed, and Fiona was the happiest sick woman he had ever seen. Most days she could hardly keep anything but bread and water down, but still, she smiled. Often she would chatter about names for the baby, how they were going to raise them, and wondered what they would be like when they grew up. Alistair was a fool in love all over again anytime he saw her light up talking about their baby.

Another month passed, and neither of them could wait to tell their friends. Some of their closest companions had already guessed, but neither of them wanted to confirm it just quite yet. Fiona had already drafted up letters for Wynne, Leliana, Oghren, and Sten. If she could have tracked down Zevran and Morrigan, he was sure she would have written them too. Though, none of those letters ever did get sent.

This time he hadn’t been home with her. Finding her in bed exhausted, pale as could be, and in the care of a healer was certainly not what he expected upon his return from Denerim. Nobody could say for sure why it had happened again. Perhaps it was the taint? Did the child of two wardens not even stand a chance at life without some blood magic rite?

Despite their theorizing and agonizing, there was nothing to be done but let themselves heal.

  


The third child Alistair lost perhaps devastated him the most. Fiona had been so afraid to tell him that time. Nearly two months went by before he even knew she was pregnant again. It had been a year and a half after their second loss, but this time he was sure they would see things through to the end. They couldn’t just give up hope yet.

Fiona was so careful with what she ate, what she did, how often she rested. She had perfected quite the daily regimen to care for herself and their unborn child. With every passing day, their hopes shone a little brighter.

Eventually, her clothes grew tighter, their hearts became fuller, and his beautiful wife was practically glowing. Though it was still a bit small, her belly was full and round, and it took every ounce of discipline for him not to have his hands all over her every waking moment. He never knew when they might feel a little punch or kick from their growing little one.

It wasn’t long before they were receiving letters of congratulations and gifts from friends. Zevran even caught wind of their happy news and stopped by in person to deliver a pair of baby shoes “made from the finest Antivan leather.” Fiona was tickled pink by that particular gift. The two of them giggled about it for at least a week.

They had gone so far, neither of them could have expected the day Alistair found her on the floor, doubled over in pain and praying to whatever god would listen to her. She was showing all the signs of labor, but even Alistair knew it was far too early for that. They weren’t expecting the baby for another two months at least.

Alistair remembered every agonizing second he spent outside their bedroom door after the healer had him forcefully removed. He wanted so desperately to be there with his wife, but he was just in the way. All he could do was listen to her cries of pain for hours feeling the most useless he ever had.

After what seemed like days, he was finally allowed to see her. Cradling a tiny, stillborn infant in her arms, she had cried all her tears. There was nothing left in her, in every sense. Laying their baby boy to rest was the hardest thing either of them had ever done.

  
  


Then Fiona left. The wardens were all hearing the calling, a hole had been torn in the sky, and neither of them could just sit idly by. Determined to find a way to put an end to the calling for good, there was nothing he could say or do to convince her to come with him to help the Inquisition. It was the first time in 10 years they had ever been apart for so long.

Not a day went by that he wasn’t worried about her. Though many saw her as the indomitable Hero of Ferelden, he knew better than anybody that she was just one woman. A woman who he had seen defeat countless darkspawn and demons, yet nearly gave in to a desire demon in a moment of weakness, just at the thought of being able to hold a child in her arms.

There was so much chaos wrought by Corypheus during that time. The Grey Wardens had all but fallen apart, and the task of rebuilding was left to him, yet again, by the Inquisitor. Work was all he had to keep himself somewhat sane while he waited to hear from her. She had been given some promising leads by some of the other wardens, and Grand Enchanter Fiona and all he could do was hope.  
  


 

Three years passed after the Inquisition defeated Corypheus. The Grey Wardens were left shattered, barely a shadow of what they once were. Peace in the land of Thedas still teetered in a delicate balance between the egos of mortal men and women, always looking to further their reaches. Alistair hardly cared about any of that.

Fiona had returned to him just a year ago and vowed that they would never be apart again. Not even another blight could tear them apart. After all, their days as Grey Wardens were over for good. Soon after they were cleared of their darkspawn taint, Fiona was pregnant once more.

It was a long nine months full of quiet anxiety, practically waiting for disaster to strike. Just as anxious as they were, Alistair couldn’t quell the growing excitement that blossomed in his chest every passing day. Before either of them knew it, all that heartache and all their waiting boiled down to a few long hours between the two of them and a very patient midwife.

In all his life, Alistair had never seen anything more perfect. Cheeks streaked with happy tears and forehead drenched with sweat; his beautiful wife held a healthy, wailing baby to her chest. After nearly thirteen years of waiting, he finally got to meet his daughter.

Everything else seemed so distant now as he cradled a tiny, beautiful baby girl in his arms while Fiona slept. Despite his exhaustion, he wouldn’t trade a moment like this for anything. The lonely girl from the Circle and the discarded bastard son of a king had become so much more. They were a family at last.

**Author's Note:**

> First, just a brief disclaimer: I realize Surana's name being Fiona is terrible in so many ways after having looked into the extended Dragon Age universe, but Origins was my first encounter with the fandom and I had no way of knowing. I'm so attached to the name that despite the fact that it adds a weird Freudian element to Alistair, I kept the name. So bear with me.
> 
> Secondly, I felt particularly inspired to write this piece after dealing with miscarriages of my own, and after two friends of mine experienced stillbirth. I had always imagined that two wardens would have a hard time procreating with one another because of the darkspawn taint, and it seemed like quite a hurdle to have them jump. I had considered leaving them childless and a cure for the taint never found, but I'm a sucker for happy endings. After all, my friends and I eventually had our own happy endings too.


End file.
